Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Nope- you're not Entitled.

I've always had a soft corner for the people who live a bit differently than everyone else. Probably because I am one of them. You know us, the folk whose definition of normal is quite different from the mainstream. The ones who spend most of their time explaining themselves to the 'normal' folk who feel entitled to explanations, and feel entitled to judge.

Their favorite refrain, "I just want to understand". That 'desire' makes them feel entitled to an explanation.

But I know better. These are the people who cannot begin to imagine the magic of my life, or the tremendous depths within me which I am content to keep hidden from them.  And yet those that have bathed in convention and privilege feel that they are entitled to your answers, you explanations to satisfy their curiosity on their schedule and welcome their rebuke and morbid curiosity.

Well here's the thing, they're not entitled to anything.

I'm learning to walk away from such discussions the moment I see the warning signs. Like when a neighbor commented, "When are you getting married, do you have a boyfriend?" after spending half an hour talking about her daughter's 4 weddings. Or the friend who said "Wow you're working out but it takes time to see some difference." And the other one who queried, "Wow you've never gone clubbing before?"

I suppose they were expecting some kind of reciprocal comment to confirm or deny their hypothesis. I just gave them a blank stare and I may have given a distracted hum. It was more effective in shutting them up than talking their ears off after all. I've just stopped caring if they think I'm “difficult” or “a bitch” or just perpetrating stereotypes about “my kind of people.”  (Whoever they are).

Let them talk.

I mean seriously. I don't have the kind of time to waste on meaningless small talk and discussions that make everyone feel awkward. I would much rather spend that time speaking to people with ideas that make me catch my breath, people who are genuine in their concern and affection, and people who don't have the time or resources to judge.

So I'm putting it out here in the open. No one is entitled to any explanations from me. If they ask, from now on, I'm just going to let then stew. For once, they don’t get to understand everything.  Why should I keep defending myself, and keep making silly proclamations about living my life by my rules to these people? Really its my life, and none of their damn business. And that's my last word on it.

If they persist, well there's a reason why we throw away toxic things.



Anita said...

Atta Girl! Like the post. Btw, finally started going to the gym thanks to inspiration from you. Love and hugs and all that...

deviousdiv said...

Yaay! Gymming is fun. Nevermind the aches and pains- just moving around and getting all that blood pumping is super-duper awesome.