Dear Mum, Dad and erstwhile members of my community,
Newsflash! Not all women are in a rush to get married, and make babies. Myself included.
I mean, I'm not completely clueless, and I do get it. Since I was born I was taught (by my own mother no less), that women are the nurturers, and the mothers. I'm often tasked with taking care of younger siblings, cousins, friends kids, helping out with housework, and frankly, I don't really mind all that.
But that doesn't mean I want that for myself. Immediately. I don't feel depressed because I'm single, on the contrary, I've never felt happier. Yet with the big 3-0 approaching, the frequency at which I'm getting inundated with the "so... when are you going to settle down and have babies" has increased quite rapidly. Its gone from once a month, to 2-3 times a day.
Gaaah!
I'm not saying I never want to get married, or start a family. I just want to live and build my own life before I settle down. And seriously why won't you just let us be great under our own light? Why have people stopped asking, "What's your next career move", or "When are you going to do your PhD?". Why has the status of my womb and my ring finger become the one thing that defines me?
And if I was to be completely honest with myself, why am I letting this get to me? Sometimes I feel like I'm still playing by someone else's rules, independence, feminism, economic stability and career be damned. I don't always look into my own heart to decide what I want to do, and am easily influenced and torn by what my parents want, or what my friends have achieved.
Which always makes me wonder... why is it okay for me to assert one way of life and never have the courage to follow through with it? Why am I wrapping up my motives, and my needs in clouded thinking, and buying into some archaic expectations imposed on me?
Over the past few weeks, I've been thinking a lot, having a clear hard look at the real choices available to me- to make those decisions which would be the best for me in the long run, rather than what's expected of me, or what I should be doing.
And from this latest bout self-reflection- I have decided that even if I do go ahead to get married, I'm going to give up the search for Mr. Right- that perfect someone.
I think I'm being practical-- I seem to have found were men whom I thought were Mr. Right, who turned out to be Mr. Wrong-in-so-many-ways. And that made me realize... even if I found Mr. Right, what's the guarantee that Mr. Right will continue to be Mr. Right after the instant gratification is over?
My inability to find this Mr. Right led me to suspect that he is just a figment of today's culture of instant gratification- find Mr. Right and be happy immediately.
So I've decided to set my sights on Mr. Good, the guy I have always neglected. He's the imperfect but good man, the one you may overlook at first, the one who you have to work hard to love, respect and grow with, so at the end of your life, you can look back at your relationship as an achievement, not an entitlement.
He's also the one who may forget to send you roses, but would hold you down when your shit gets rough. Am I lowering expectations? I don't think so. I think of it as setting myself a new challenge.
But then, there's that part of me, you know, the one that comes out after a couple of martinis. That part of me says, fuckall- who needs men and relationships... it sounds like too much work, and I'm happiest on my own, and I'm too pleased with myself to give a shit about someone else.
Increasingly, I find myself in agreement with my drunk-self. In Vino Veritas after all.
~deviousDiv
Newsflash! Not all women are in a rush to get married, and make babies. Myself included.
I mean, I'm not completely clueless, and I do get it. Since I was born I was taught (by my own mother no less), that women are the nurturers, and the mothers. I'm often tasked with taking care of younger siblings, cousins, friends kids, helping out with housework, and frankly, I don't really mind all that.
But that doesn't mean I want that for myself. Immediately. I don't feel depressed because I'm single, on the contrary, I've never felt happier. Yet with the big 3-0 approaching, the frequency at which I'm getting inundated with the "so... when are you going to settle down and have babies" has increased quite rapidly. Its gone from once a month, to 2-3 times a day.
Gaaah!
I'm not saying I never want to get married, or start a family. I just want to live and build my own life before I settle down. And seriously why won't you just let us be great under our own light? Why have people stopped asking, "What's your next career move", or "When are you going to do your PhD?". Why has the status of my womb and my ring finger become the one thing that defines me?
And if I was to be completely honest with myself, why am I letting this get to me? Sometimes I feel like I'm still playing by someone else's rules, independence, feminism, economic stability and career be damned. I don't always look into my own heart to decide what I want to do, and am easily influenced and torn by what my parents want, or what my friends have achieved.
Which always makes me wonder... why is it okay for me to assert one way of life and never have the courage to follow through with it? Why am I wrapping up my motives, and my needs in clouded thinking, and buying into some archaic expectations imposed on me?
Over the past few weeks, I've been thinking a lot, having a clear hard look at the real choices available to me- to make those decisions which would be the best for me in the long run, rather than what's expected of me, or what I should be doing.
And from this latest bout self-reflection- I have decided that even if I do go ahead to get married, I'm going to give up the search for Mr. Right- that perfect someone.
I think I'm being practical-- I seem to have found were men whom I thought were Mr. Right, who turned out to be Mr. Wrong-in-so-many-ways. And that made me realize... even if I found Mr. Right, what's the guarantee that Mr. Right will continue to be Mr. Right after the instant gratification is over?
My inability to find this Mr. Right led me to suspect that he is just a figment of today's culture of instant gratification- find Mr. Right and be happy immediately.
So I've decided to set my sights on Mr. Good, the guy I have always neglected. He's the imperfect but good man, the one you may overlook at first, the one who you have to work hard to love, respect and grow with, so at the end of your life, you can look back at your relationship as an achievement, not an entitlement.
He's also the one who may forget to send you roses, but would hold you down when your shit gets rough. Am I lowering expectations? I don't think so. I think of it as setting myself a new challenge.
But then, there's that part of me, you know, the one that comes out after a couple of martinis. That part of me says, fuckall- who needs men and relationships... it sounds like too much work, and I'm happiest on my own, and I'm too pleased with myself to give a shit about someone else.
Increasingly, I find myself in agreement with my drunk-self. In Vino Veritas after all.
~deviousDiv
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