I recently read this post by a fellow blogger- Renaissance Hippie.
"I like this particular game. Its very postmodern, hip. The dating equivalent of saying break-a-leg to an actor about to set foot on stage. Let's be modern, let's be incongruous. I give this serious thought. I'll probably cheat, I say, and hope you find out. This does seem most likely. She's too nice and I'm too cowardly. I could never bring myself to break up with her. Why the hell is she crying? It was a joke, I lie, I thought we were being postmodern."
While I do enjoy the irony of the blogger's writing- there's a part of me that runs away screaming at this little act of "push to see if she bleeds"
I suspect it's guilt- I do feel the urge to do that sometimes- push and punish people who are trying to get close to me, in a deliberate act of sabotage.
I especially feel that way towards the men who have tried to get too close, and tried to box me into their little square pegs. Its more subtle than than the cheating and resultant breakup, and if you time it right- not much will be hurt other than egos.
Sticks and Stones? I prefer the old Indian proverb-- "A Fire burn will heal fast, but a fiery tounge's burn will stay raw for a long time."
But there is a part of me that mourns the loss of that innocence from those first loves, where the person is perfect and your trust is absolute. Now? Its all about the body language, the mind games, and the resultant clusterfuck.
Seriously- I'm happier staying friends.
~deviousDiv
10 comments:
"But there is a part of me that mourns the loss of that innocence from those first loves, where the person is perfect and your trust is absolute. Now? Its all about the body language, the mind games, and the resultant clusterfuck."
Completely ageee... :)
Well Premanjali-- while it is about the games, games can be fun no? ;)
The question is what happened to that first love? Chances are the break-up was the worst kind - immature, suicidal, tacky. All I'm saying is no matter how perfect someone is, it too shall pass. I'm just too cowardly to hurt someone, to end it. So I hang around and hope they dump me. It's the great 21st century mating ritual - we all want to be victims.
The first love was Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy- and I cried when I found out he was a figment of imagination. ;)
But my first serious love, the breakup was all of that and more. *shudder* Cue the bad music, the bad haircut, the threats, tears, lawsuits...
From the guy of course.
In that case I was the evil one, because I broke it off. The idiot gave me a hobson's choice (its me or your studies) so I said fuckall I'm Indian of course its studies.
Yes I was hurt very badly (sucker punched comes to mind) and he said some shit, but I drowned myself in work and study.
In the relationships I've had after, I have been down the too cowardly route way too many times to count. Playing Victim- the great 21st century mating ritual sounds good in paper.
But sometimes you just have to cut loose and run, because letting the resentment fester over the long term will do you more damage.
And here's a little insight into the female mind- the 'men who play victim' are also described as 'ball-less wonders' by the sisterhood.
I'll be happy to share more helpful hints, but I will get disowned. ;)
~deviousDiv
I dunno man. I grew up with two sisters, all my best friends are women and my ex's are still my support system long after we broke up. I think the 'sisterhood' is a lot less honest with each other than they are with their men. I can't speak for all women (or for all men, for that matter) but women like to leave. They like the illusion of being the leaver. But they're not conditioned to leave- they're nurturers, fighters. So they tend to be grateful to men who give them the privilege of leaving, of maintaining some semblance of dignity. I'm glad you mentioned Mr. Darcy because he's the archetypal victim's love interest - misogynist, bourgeois. Women appreciate drunk-dials and bootycalls and clingers and the pathos of it all because women of my generation are the last of the great romantics. Which of course is why I love them so. Because they're tuned for heartbreak and I'm playing that same song.
" Women appreciate drunk-dials and bootycalls and clingers and the pathos of it all because women of my generation are the last of the great romantics."
Clearly we're from different generations. ;) Because my dear, I don't like any of the above, and I am definitely not a romantic.
Thank God.
~deviousDiv
PS: However, I am a little dysfunctional so I am probably not representative of my generation.
hmmm...i am stuck here wondering which generation icyhighs is from...
Because I definitely strut around pretending that "I don't give a shit" but I am hardcore romantic and I belong ot Generation Y...I am like the kind you make fun off - who thinks that you "fall in love" only once - the rest of the times are compromises and companionships...
Having said that, I definitely also don't agree that women (or men for that matter) like being leavers or victims...I mean no one really wants to be the victim or the leaver...circumstances end up being so sometimes and you do whatever you have to do then...come on ..some positivity guys...(and its funny its coming from me since I am kind of a cynic...)
@Premanjali- its a well documented fact that the cynics are actually closet optimists, and optimists are pathologically depressed.
Hello Cynic. ;)
@IcyHigh-- This line in your comment just cracks me up, "I think the 'sisterhood' is a lot less honest with each other than they are with their men."
That's patently untrue. We just don't tell our men what we talk about with each other.
And this line, "I can't speak for all women (or for all men, for that matter) but women like to leave. They like the illusion of being the leaver. But they're not conditioned to leave- they're nurturers, fighters. So they tend to be grateful to men who give them the privilege of leaving, of maintaining some semblance of dignity."
Put it in perspective will ya? When a girl opens up to trust you, she's at her most vulnerable. That alone is such a huge act of courage that the woman will do whatever it takes to protect that. (Thus explaining the conditioned to nurture protect etc. etc.)
But by playing these little 'postmodern I'm a victim games', you end up turning those vulnerabilities against her for your own agenda, and then 'providing her with an excuse to leave' when her natural fight or flight reaction kicks in.
Does that make you a Victim? Or a psychological Bully?
That's why honesty is better. :)
~div
Oh come on you're making me sound like a psychopath! I only meant we'd all rather leave than be left, if for no reason other than self-esteem.
And I don't set out to be the victim. It just happens-the kind of women I end up with are women who like playing Mommy. And Mommies get tired of men who refuse to grow up, so they leave. Its a cycle and I'm happy to bow down to the infinite wisdom of the universe and just let it happen. I'm sure you date guys who complement your personality too.
Oops IcyHighs-- that wasn't the intention. I must have been projecting my own bad experiences on you. But I've found that there is always an element of subconscious manipulation and sabotage involved in any relationship.
I suspect that I've just become too jaded and cynical to believe in relationships anymore. Sigh.
~deviousDiv
Post a Comment